What the....?

What happens when you don't nail an AUDITION????

Recently I took a leap of faith and submitted my resume and headshot to a singer showcase in NYC at the suggestion of my college roommate.

However, unlike her..I haven't heard from them yet. I may not hear from them at all. So how do you deal with it when you don't even land the audition? Don't even get seen.

No...seriously? How do you deal with it? The rational part of my head keeps saying 'this is ONE audition, don't put so much stress on yourself-it's going to happen, so just work for it, let it, move onto the next role or the next audition..."

On the other hand, the part of my brain that houses the actor in me goes "HOLY JEEBUS!! They didn't even want to HEAR from me?! What did they see on my resume they didn't like? Is my headshot not good?! I need answers, damnit!"

So, again, what does this do to the psyche? For starters: I haven't slept right, I've noticed as I take more and more leaps of faith, and more and more auditions come around, I get less and less sleep. When I do sleep,the dreams that I have are weird and vivid, or they're nightmares that I need to differenciate from reality when I wake up.

It also has me craving approval-I need to hear someone tell me I'm good! I need to. I need to know that I'm not doing all of this for nothing, and I need to know that there are people out there that realize that this is serious to me, and I don't take it lightly.

I realize I won't get every part I go out for...but to not even land an audition? What's that say? That is the question I'll ask myself about this failed "audition" over and over again.

They could surprise me though, they could e-mail me Monday (audition is on Thursday), and let me know they DO want to see me. But, as it stands right now, that's not going to happen.

*sigh* This is the business I chose, and I knew what was going to happen going into it. Doesn't mean that it doesn't play with the mind every so often.

We'll see what happens....oh, and I may have an announcement here sooner rather than later...I'll let you all know :)