Audition tomorrow!

Well, the internal countdown is over, and my audition is tomorrow at 1pm. Right now, it's 2:30am and I'm up instead of sleeping like I should be doing.

I spoke with a friend tonight, and told her I was nervous-not about the audition itself, but about who else might be auditioning.

See, that's the paranoia. That's the thing that'll eat away at me until after the audition is over. The thing that'll keep me from eating anything in the morning, and the feeling that'll bring me to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee before I go so that I don't pass out.

**I do try to eat at least eggos or something before I leave for an audition like this, though. The coffee helps calm the nerves somewhat**

Then there's that nagging question of "do they already have people in mind for these roles?". If they do, you walk into a losing battle already. If a director has a show pre-cast in their minds, unless you give an absolute, TONY/OSCAR winning performance-there's no way you're getting that role. In that case, the director is just waiting for the people they've pegged in their head to come in and audition for them.

Whatever the case may be- I'm prepared in every other way. I know the part I'm going out for, I've memorized the monologue, which I'll film and try to put on here for interested parties to see, and my resume has been printed. Everything is all set.

Now if I could just shake that thought out of my mind, I'll be okay.

I have my suspicions based on who I know at the theatre I'm at, and I know pretty much where everyone is talent wise. But then there's always that one person who shows up outta the blue and BAM! throws me the hell off. Because they'll get up onstage and just knock it out of the park.

I know that's the nature of the game, and I know any theatre always has that ace in the hole-this actor/actress can play any role at a *snap's* notice. I know that, and I'm always prepared for that. I just need to re-learn how to go with the curveballs that auditions throw at me. I got so accostmed to seeing the same people audition over and over again in college, that there really were no curveballs. You talked, you asked around, you HELPED each other prepare! There was no real competition-we were going in there together, even if only one of us got a part.

But here, I can feel the comeptition, and it's a weird feeling for me, even though I'm trained to do it. I didn't get every role I auditioned for in college, and I won't get every role I audition for post-college. It's that damn WILD card though, that gets me nervous before each one. And while I can sit here, freezing in my kitchen, with my eyes half closed, and my body telling me I should be done for the day, I know that I need to be on my toes tomorrow, because it could be a ROOM full of wild cards-not just one. And I need to stand my ground tomorrow, and go in there and do what I'M TRAINED TO DO!

Well, as it says in "A Chorus Line", this is what I'm doing for love. Let's see if it'll love me back tomorrow.... I'll keep you all posted.